Growing up as the oldest sibling in an Evangelical family is a large part of why I valued certainty so much growing up. I’m sure that my anxiety also had something to do with it. But I definitely did NOT value things that changed my perspective.
I was good at deep dives and studying when I needed to be. And I wanted to be right and to have certainty as much as possible, so I researched a lot.
What I didn’t acknowledge was how much I changed my mind. When the research showed something different than my presumption, and it wasn’t an earth shattering realization, I didn’t mind changing my mind. For example, learning about the real Anastasia. Not only was the movie version not real, but she likely was one of the last of her siblings to die a brutal death. Oof. That crushed my spirit for a good while, but it didn’t change my perspective on life.
But here are some times where I realized that I was wrong. And it did feel earth shifting. It changed my perspective.
Since this is a heavier post, let’s start with a light one…
#1 Nutella and Vegetables
Now this may seem silly. But part of my identity had been, for so long, being a picky eater.
When we got married, my husband would sneak vegetables into casseroles and pizza like you would with a toddler to get me to try new things. And it worked! I realized that a very large part of the reason that picky eating had been part of my identity was actually because eating new things was SCARY for me. Because of severe food allergies and chronic illness. And I masked that feeling with a stubborn pickiness.
*Bonus food lesson that changed my perspective:
I didn’t like Nutella because I had never tried it. Once I did… um, it’s marvelous!! But I realize that there are people who will never like it because it’s nut based or chocolate. And as a people pleaser, it is not an insignificant realization to understand that not everyone has to like something you think is amazing. You cannot please everyone.
#2 Binary
In my small private high school I had to do a project on the circles of hell. I put post modernists in the first circle.
Because anyone who couldn’t clearly see that there was right OR wrong was bound for fire.
And then my teacher told me that she WAS actually a post modernist. We talked through a whole bunch of examples that helped me change my perspective.
But it doesn’t end there. I thought that binary was just a droid language. One that C-3PO understands but prefers not to speak. I didn’t realize how it applied to gender identities.
I am so appreciative of the work that Kathy Baldock and many others have done to point out the misinterpretations and weaponization of scripture against the LGBTQIA+ community.
Here’s our review of the 1946 documentary that details that a little more extensively.
I once would have said that you could love the person but hate the sin.
But I’ve changed my mind. First, I don’t think it’s possible to both love and hate someone. Secondly, I don’t believe any loving relationships or orientations are sinful.
The people I know that belong to that community deserve just as much as I do.
Educational vouchers are a scam- here’s why!
#3 The Pro Life Movement Changed my Perspective
I once was so sold out to this movement that I became a missionary for it.
It wasn’t the only reason we fostered or adopted, but it was a significant driving factor.
I was devastated to discover that our supportive church community was only truly supportive of the birth and adoption picture. If it was a five minute testimony, a fundraiser, or an adoption story- good to go.
But becoming members who needed more than they gave suddenly… trauma training, respite, nursery workers wearing masks, complicated testimonies, asking for birth family support- big no go. Learning to ask appropriate questions…. Ouch! I can’t fit all the disappointment into a paragraph.
We live in a city with over 100 churches and have to drive three cities over (45 min) to get an emergency bag for a new placement- that tells me all I need to know about how the church business actually does not support me as a foster parent.
I no longer subscribe to the pro-life movement. Because there is no part of my belief, morality, or experience that is OK with the harm that the evangelical movement has inflicted on kids in foster care via the destruction of the social safety net.
There is no longer political propaganda that can convince me that a child should be born but not cared for. Or that their parents deserve less than I do.
Turns out saving babies means supporting their births and lives. Not forcing people to give birth, pay for it, and punishing them for it socially.
I felt like I had been fooled. Sure, some of these people actually wanted to save children. But the vast majority just wanted the badge without doing any work to care for kids.
#4 The Church Should Stand Up
Before I began working at churches, I believed that they were being oppressed. That the church was out there trying to fix every social pain but that they just had too much red tape. The church should be doing more than the government anyways, is what I believed.
But when I started working at the church, the math didn’t math. We had an unlimited VBS budget, even though we bought everything cheaply (probably made with child labor). But no budget for local missions.
Recently, I’ve heard again and again that it’s time for the church to stand up. To pick up the slack from government funding. But they can’t even fund their own local missions work, which is why they are considered non-profits… So how are they supposed to pick up millions and billions locally and internationally? I think it’s very important for the church to sit down. And figure out how the New Apostolic Reformation, 7 mountains theology, and nationalism have poisoned American evangelical culture and theology so much that dehumanization is acceptable and empathy is toxic. Standing up WITH businesses, other religious institutions, and government institutions to bind together the social safety net.
Here’s a well written piece that explores this in depth.
#5 Parenting
I was a really great one before I had kids.
I also believed that it was all about sacrificing your life to raise more Christ followers. And I don’t believe that at all anymore.
Parenting is hard and good work. I don’t have to sacrifice myself or force Jesus on my kids.
I’m so thankful for all my education and trauma training.
And for a true partner in the work of raising our kids. For whole child, gentle, connective parenting practices.
I was wrong about too many things to list in a paragraph.
What’s the point? You changed your perspective?
Yes- it’s a good thing to change your mind. Especially when you are presented with new information.
Sometimes it might change your perspective. Other times it might change your life or relationships.
I changed my vote too.
And maybe, like I have in the past, you voted Republican in this election cycle because you honestly believed it was the best choice for your family and the country.
You might have thought that grocery prices were going to be a priority. And didn’t realize that among rising costs, a tariff war most benefits the rich. Source
You might have thought that children living would be a priority. Instead of cutting support programs for new parents. Raising day care costs. Cutting food and low income programs for kids in foster care. And taking significant chunks out of the department of education programs from Head Start to college admittance. Source 1, 2, 3, 4
You might have thought that your neighbors were a threat to your well being. That the immigration system is too easy and open. That your job is being threatened by those people. That ICE is only interested in hardened criminals.
Instead of realizing that our immigration system is very difficult and could take a person over a decade to navigate legally. That being undocumented is the same kind of offense as walking across the street without a crosswalk. That people are being kidnapped by deputized bounty hunters in face masks and gear anyone can get online, without the ability to even prove whether or not they are a citizen. Or in that process. If they were going after criminals, they wouldn’t be raiding graduations, workplaces, and immigration court appointments. Detention centers wouldn’t be filled to the brim with sick men, women, and children who have been separated from their families unexpectedly in terrifying ways.
If you’re a Christian and struggling with this topic, consider the work Women of Welcome are doing. Consider donating to Catholic Charities and RAICES who are working tirelessly to care for our neighbors.
And know realizing that your job is actually threatened by the billionaire CEO’s who want more money but don’t want to pay you more. The ones who are automating more and more with AI. But who don’t want to pay cost of living or healthcare. The ones who separate vision and dental care as if your teeth and eyes aren’t a part of your body.
Billionaires who can drop a few million dollars on a party like it’s nothing. And then point to the mom working two jobs to afford rent who needs food assistance and tell you that she’s the enemy. While they try and get rid of your job.
What about values?
Maybe you thought that Christian values would be leading this administration. But the red words of Jesus haven’t been honored at all. Empathy has been labeled as toxic, greed as honorable. And Nationalism has been inflated with and enticing false theology.
Here’s some red words that keep coming to mind…
““Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.” Matthew 23: 24-25
“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
Matthew 25: 35-40
Maybe you thought that there needs to be more meritocracy. Instead of DEI. And didn’t realize that when the playing field isn’t leveled for everyone, the only people that get ahead are the ultra wealthy and those that pander to them. Which is why inexperienced 22 year old’s and billionaires have had so much power in this administration, from DOGE and Palantir to heading the terror prevention program. (Here’s an article where a historian discusses this.) And very qualified people of color and women have been pushed out of their jobs. And now you’re worried about your job again.
It’s important to speak up about the things that changed your perspective
If this sounds like you. It’s even more important for you to contact your representative. Telling them that you voted for them and that this is unacceptable. Dehumanization is unacceptable. Pushing aside middle and lower class Americans is unacceptable. I like to fill out their online contact forms, send e-mails, faxes, and post cards. And my partner prefers to call. However it works for you!
Find your representatives information here.
The 5 calls app and website make it easy to know what to say.
Learning and growth are not possible without accepting new information and changing our minds.
Dehumanization doesn’t take as big a shift. It’s insidious. Easy. And in my opinion, it’s the most important thing to watch out for in an authoritarian situation.
What have you changed your mind about recently?